Posted by Kathy Underwood on Mon, Feb 20, 2012 @ 05:00 AM
“I am what I am. This is what I like to do. If you want to fit in with that you can come into my life. But don’t try to make me into something I am not” Lucian Freud
I was sent this quote from a friend of mine and I wanted to share it with you because I like the message that Mr. Freud is trying to convey. I admire his ability to be who he is and to not allow others to pull him off his path. How is he able to stay focused and not get pulled in other directions that don’t feel “right” to him?
Making decisions that are ‘right” for you require that you know yourself and that you actually know yourself well. This means to me that you are intimate with how you think, what your beliefs and values are, that you are keenly attuned to what makes you tick, you know what gives you joy and passion, and that you know what you love. To be able to say “I am who I am and I like that” takes knowing, understanding, and accepting yourself fully.
I think a key component to a good life is that we take the time to know, to understand, and accept yourselves. What if you made time to dwell upon your beliefs and values and thought about what makes up the essence of who you are? What if you defined you based on your own terms and accepted you for who you are? If you did this, would your life be different? Would you make different choices because of what you learned about yourself?
No one knows you better then you. Get to know you and what makes you tick. Remember, this is an archeology dig within you, not a comparison with others and not looking at what’s wrong but what’s right and good about you that you want to do more of. You are an amazing human being with gifts and talents; share them with yourself and others. The world is a better place when you do.
Getting to know yourself takes time, commitment, and practice. If you need support or guidance on this journey, feel free to contact me.
Photo: anitapatterson http://mrg.bz/O4iYMV
Posted by Kathy Underwood on Mon, Feb 13, 2012 @ 05:00 AM
"My life is no brief candle-I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. I want to look back on my life and say, Well Lived-From the Heart.”
George Bernard Shaw
Many of us, have callings and yearnings that we are aware of. They tug at us, circle around us, push us but most of the time we don’t act on these yearnings. There are things that we want to do but don’t, passions and desires that we push away, and lists of intentions that get thrown away. We usually don’t act on our callings because it means we have to change something and change is often hard and can be really scary.
Yesterday, I spent the day with a high school friend. She confided in me that she has three things in her life that she wants and has wanted for a long time. We began talking about what she wanted and how these changes would enrich her life. What came up in our discussion where the underlying blocks that keeps her stuck. The biggest barrier to her changes, is fear. She gets trapped by all the “what if’s” and “I don’t know what to do’s.” It is easy to get stuck there and not be able to move forward. We looked at small steps she could take that feel manageable. I also reminded her that just because she makes a change does not mean she is stuck with it. I see change as making small adjustments with slowly letting go of old patterns that no longer work. Change comes in small steps usually not big ones unless you have prepared for a major shift. We parted her with a plan of action and me, excited to see my friend embark on her new journey.
What is calling you? What is your heart and gut nagging at you to do? Make a list and pick one intention that is driving you to move forward. Take one step. What is that step? Know what it is, so you can begin on your journey towards yourself and your desires. Your life is calling.
If you need support or guidance making changes and figuring out how to move forward in your life, feel free to contact me.
Photo:http://mrg.bz/i0TRi4
Posted by Kathy Underwood on Thu, Oct 27, 2011 @ 05:00 AM
Do you have a vision of your life but never seem to get there? Do you want a better job, better relationships, to feel better about yourself, or to start your own business but obstacles and events detour you from accomplishing your desires. It may be your self-sabotaging behaviors. You may think and believe one way consciously but have core beliefs that run unconsciously that sabotage your efforts and desires. Our unconscious beliefs are very powerful and often are the ones that are running the show.
So, what does that mean? It means that in order to change your life and stop your self-sabotaging behaviors you need to re-program your unconscious mind. Unconsciously, our resistance to change is great and even though we try new practices and routines we often go back to our old patterns.
Why is the unconscious so resistant to change? When we have core beliefs of shame, guilt, and self-loathing it often doesn’t matter what we do on the outside, if we don’t address the beliefs that we are not good enough or deserving of our desires. These core beliefs create a reality that supports our unworthiness and sense of undeserving so we end up not creating our desires. If this is true in order to make changes in your life, we need to change our core beliefs. Getting rid of the shame, guilt, and self-loathing is the desired goal. This is not an easy task and one that takes a commitment on your part.
Where to start:
First, become aware of your core beliefs and the self-sabotaging behaviors that are attached to them. Then, begin to think about yourself differently. You developed your core beliefs at a young age and now it is time to create new core beliefs that are in alignment with who you are. When you find yourself being critical, be willing to be different. Choose to be loving and realistic about yourself, not harsh and critical. You are programmed to tell yourself specific stories even though they are probably not true. Change your stories.
It’s time to start reprograming your unconscious core beliefs to create the life of your desires. This is hard work and usually less successful when done in isolation. Get the help and support you need to start living your life fully. Feel free to contact me with question or to set-up an appointment.
Photo: alba
Posted by Kathy Underwood on Fri, Oct 21, 2011 @ 05:00 AM
Are you doing things in your life that don’t feel good and suck the energy out of you? But you still find yourself doing them anyway. Are you out of integrity with who you are or making yourself feel awful and depressed because of your mind set or behaviors you continue to do? Old patterns and habits are hard to break. Many times we would like to be different and do things differently but don’t know what else to do. So we keep doing the same thing even when we know it’s not “right”.
What are you willing to say “No More to” and “Why not”? Make a list of the things you are going to say “No More to”. The first step towards being different is acknowledging that you want to make a change. Also, answer the question “Why not.” What you are asking yourself is what is the cost on your life if you continue this behavior. Let’s say, you want to stop procrastinating. What is the list of things you are going to start doing this week that you have put off for a long time? Write them down and next to the new behavior is the action step to moving forward. The “Why not” to procrastinating can be things like, I will feel better about myself, I will be happier, and I will be more fulfilled because this brings me joy.
Take time today or this weekend to make your list of “No mores” and “Why not’s”. Imagine and visualize your life without your limiting beliefs and blocks. It feels pretty good. Now, the work is to implement the Action steps that you have designed to create the life you want. Act on the new thought or belief by committing to the Action steps that you designed. Take small steps every minute and every day to break your old familiar patterns and habits.
Create a support system or get professional help that will allow you to create the life that has meaning for you. Remember, that we all need help and support and can’t figure out everything on our own. I know I can’t. If you have questions or would like to meet with me please feel free to contact me.
Photo: Jusben
Posted by Kathy Underwood on Mon, Oct 17, 2011 @ 05:00 AM
What we focus on grows. We all know that and have probably experienced having really good and bad days depending on what we are focusing on. When we wake in the morning and feel grumpy and tired it is likely that we will see the day through our negative filter, so we will probably have a tough day, tough evening, toss and turn at night and wake again and do it all over again the next day unless you win the lottery or change what you’re ruminating and stewing about.
Choosing what we focus on is one thing we have the power to change. I joined a new cycling team and I am aware of my own negative, critical thinking because I feel intimidated. I choose to feel this way so the good news is, I have the power to change my thinking. When I find myself being critical, I say to myself “Isn’t that interesting” I teach my clients to say the same thing because it breaks the thought cycle and allows something different to happen. I can then usually chuckle to myself and make the choice to think positively about a situation.
Take the first negative thought that comes up for you and be willing to say something different. Here’s what I do when that pesky, negative thought jumps in and dominates my thinking. I add to my internal dialogue positive, reality based comments. A negative thought that jumps in even though I don’t want it to, say’s “You are going to get dropped in the parking lot. Why are you even going?” Here is my response, “Maybe, but I love to ride and I will continue to get better.” It is not about making the negative thought go away but addressing the negative, critical voice and adding truthful, encouraging responses that allow you to keep going after what you want. My response is right for me because it makes me feel just a little bit better. Create responses that help you to feel a little bit better and a little bit better a step at a time, so that you keep going after the things that make you feel really good.
Step in now to change how you think, feel, and behave, a step at a time. We all need help, support, and guidance to make change and move forward in our lives. If you would like more information or want to set-up an appointment, feel free to contact me.
Photo: Seemann, http://mrg.bz/4bZVOP
Posted by Kathy Underwood on Mon, Aug 29, 2011 @ 05:00 AM
"Inaction brings doubt and fear. Action brings confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy”. Dale Carnegie
There may be some of you that don’t procrastinate but I know I do. It is almost September, the summer is winding down and there are some things that I wanted to do this summer that I kept putting off. I can give you all kinds of excuses, but the bottom line is I’m afraid. I have created a story about me and what I want that is coated in fear. I’m still going to do the things I wanted to do, I’m just going to start looking at the events on a different channel. We channel surf all the time when we can’t find what we want to watch on T.V., our computer, or phone, so let’s do the same with our mind. I like the idea of channel surfing because if the present channel is not serving me and my needs, I can reach for the remote and make a change. Easier said than done, right?
Let’s look at some things that might be getting in your way of moving forward. Often, we think we need to know it “All” before we move forward. The opposite is actually true. What if you trusted yourself with a decision because it feels good, it feels right, and you get excited thinking about moving forward with the activity you want, than it is most likely “perfect” for you. It also helps to take small steps and have a plan. The small steps help was to manage the “Agony Zone”. This is the zone where we feel paralyzed because we have taken on to much at one time and are in agony. I think we have all been there before. Create your plan with confidence building steps along the way. Know your end goal as well as the small steps to success.
Let’s say your company wants to put a team together to run a 5k for a good cause and you want to be on the team but you have not been running. The day of the race you are not going to lace up your running shoes and go run the race. To be successful, you will create a plan with an end goal that includes daily commitments to reach the desired outcome.
We are programmed to procrastinate because of our old patterns and conditioning. Recognize you potential and take the small steps to get there. Know that the fear is there and develop a plan that builds your self-confidence and self-acceptance.
Try this exercise for a week and see what you find out about yourself. Write Procrastination at the top of the page and below that the question, Am I? Carry it around with you and when you find yourself procrastinating, choose to stop putting off your life.
Recognize your potential. We all need help, support, and guidance to make change and move forward in our lives. Working with a professional that understand how personal change occurs can be very valuable. If you would like more information or want to set-up an appointment, feel free to contact me.
Photo: MUmLand http://mrg.bz/iZ5Xj6
Posted by Kathy Underwood on Wed, Aug 03, 2011 @ 05:00 PM
What would your life be like?
What if you could snap your fingers and all your blocks, anxiety, and fears where no longer there? What would you be doing? How would you be feeling and in what direction would your life be going?
This is an exercise I do with my clients to help them become aware of what they want in their life and what is stopping them for achieving their dreams and goals.
Imagine yourself there for a moment. Hold that vision. What would be different about your life, if you no longer had obstacles in your way?
Having what you want does not have to be a fantasy. It can be a reality. What do you want to know and what needs to change in your life to get there?
That’s where I come in. To guide you, lead you, push you, and help you develop the skills and tools you need to start down that path.
To heal, to grow, and to make changes, we all need help, support, and guidance to succeed in our lives. Reach out and find your team. Do something today that starts you on that journey. Take one small step toward your new life.
Good luck on your journey.
Photo: Emlyn Addison
Posted by Kathy Underwood on Wed, Jul 20, 2011 @ 05:00 AM
“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his greatest surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't” --Henry Ford
How many times have you accomplished something that you didn’t think you could? How many times have you surprised yourself but forgot to acknowledge your success? What if you took the time to see, to feel, and to think about your successes and your surprises? And to share them with others?
I surprised myself last weekend in my first triathlon of the season. I had a tough swim but with a lot of motivational self-talk, I finished above my expectations. A friend of mine needed to get her house painted and had never been through the process before. She surprised herself with a beautiful house and more self-confidence in the end. What have you done that you feel good about accomplishing that you didn’t think you could do?
Take the time to write down and share your accomplishments with others and even more important acknowledge your accomplishments to yourself, all of them. Sharing our successes can be hard to do because many of us don’t want to boost or brag. I am a firm believer that sharing your accomplishments helps builds self-confidence and self-esteem and it’s just fun to talk about your successes.
If fear and apprehension is getting in the way of you accomplishing your goals or surprising yourself, find a mentor or a professional to support you. Our life’s journey is not one we can do alone and are not meant to. If you would like to contact me, I would be happy to help you develop tools and strategies to move beyond your fears and blocks.
Photo: smswigart
Posted by Kathy Underwood on Wed, Jul 13, 2011 @ 05:00 AM
“Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door”. Emily Dickinson
While we are each “born innocent” as Sarah MacLachlan sang in Adia, most of us experience times of self-rejection with critical internal dialogue. Since we learned how to reject ourselves, how do we learn to accept ourselves again?
I believe that happens by defining what acceptance means to us personally and how we can live in a state of self-acceptance. Living in self-acceptance to me means that I am able to love me and be kind to all parts of me. I fully embrace my hopes, fears, thought, and feelings as who I am. I accept my successes and failures, my achievements and errors. It means that I am curious and compassionate towards myself as I journey through my life with all my dents and scars. If there are things I want, I go get them. I am able to work through the obstacles that might get in my way to my life that I fill-up with my passions and desires. I trust me to make good decisions for myself and I am able to take risks that put me out of my comfort zone, knowing that I will be okay. I show-up in my world with lightness, love, and excitement for the things to come, ready and open to fully live from who I am. What does self-acceptance mean to you?
Once we fully accept ourselves we no longer need to live in secrecy. We no longer need to hide the parts of ourselves that we think are defective or broken. We all make mistakes, do stupid things, hurt other people and hurt ourselves, but remember we are just people, human being doing the best we can. You lose by hiding yourself. I lose because I don’t get to know who you are.
Be willing to live your life fully, your way. Be willing to live your live differently. Let go of what no longer works to make space for what you do want in your life. Be the great person you are and are meant to be. Find someone to help you along the way because most of us can’t do this journey alone. Find a therapist or mentor that will help discover who you are and what you want in your life. If you would like to contact me, I would be happy to support you to know who you are and what you want in this one precious life we live in.
Photo: Taliesin
Posted by Kathy Underwood on Wed, Jul 06, 2011 @ 05:00 AM
Some of the secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B, but by inventing some imaginary letters along the way. ~Douglas Pagels, These Are the Gifts I'd Like to Give to You
We all experience the constant pressure of living in our fast paced world. Presently, we are expected to do more with less support at work with more time commuting often earning less than we did in the past. The sum total is that there is less energy coming in and more going out. Sounds pretty stressful to me. Most of us know what stress is and can empathize with a friend when she states “I’m so stressed out.” We understand and can relate because most of us are stressed daily. We don’t feel like we have enough time to do all the things we are supposed to do and get done, so we are rushing from point A to B as Pagels states but we don’t know how to create the ease along the way to a less stressful life.
Stress is hard to define because stress affects each of us differently. What I think is stressful may not be to someone else. Hans Selye in 1936 defined stress as “the non-specific response of the body to any demand for change.” The only thing I know for sure about life is that there will be change. So how do we get better at dealing with all this change in our lives and in the world? While a certain amount of stress is expected and may help us reach higher goals we need to get better at adapting to change because according to the American Institute of Stress up to 90% of all health problems are related to stress. In Fact, chronic stress leads to anxiety, depression, sleep disorders, body aches and pains among other health disorders.
The impact of stress is the wear and tear on ourselves, mentally, physically, emotionally, and physiologically to everyday pressure and tension. This on-going pressure and tension is what causes the problems in all areas of our lives. I think an analogy might be a car. Take one of the hoses in your car that is under pressure. It will eventually wear out because of the constant tension. We have a lot “hoses” in our body so to speak and by placing them under constant pressure and tension they will “blow.” The chronic feeling of frustration, agitation, stress and strain, and the inability to manage the amount of stress in our lives leads to the breakdown of our bodies, physically, mentally, emotionally, and physiologically.
Stress is caused by our emotional reaction to events. Stress occurs when our perception of events doesn’t meet our expectations and we are unable to reconcile what we wanted and expected with what actually happened. Our thoughts and feelings have powerful effects on our bodies. Staying stuck in unhealthy emotions leads to health issues and a state of chronic stress. We cannot change many things that happen to us or the events that happen in the world, but we do have the power to choose to think and feel in productive ways. Rather than become indifferent to the world, let’s find ways to manage our stress with healthy responses.
Try these three steps to decrease you stress
- Take a time out and breathe. We give kids and dogs time outs and we know it helps. Do the same thing for yourself. Allow yourself to breathe deeply. Consciously, take in some oxygen because when we are stressed we probably haven’t been truly breathing.
- Evaluate the situation. Most of the time it is not a life and death situation. Try to slow down and breathe and you will be able to think more clearly.
- Do something physical. Push-ups, stairs, or a fast walk around the block can re-set you physiologically. You have just exerted some energy that you have been holding inside. Move and breathe to re-set the situation.
A stressful life is an unhealthy life. Find ways to manage your stress in productive and healthy ways. By being in a state of constant stress you can be missing the joys of life. If you are concerned with the amount of stress in your life, you may want to work with a trained professional. If you would like to contact me, I would be happy to set-up an appointment to help you discover ways to decrease your stress.
Photo: anitapatterson